Attraction in the 21st Century


Viikko 25


Motion: THB that the way to fend off divorce is to counsel and educate people about couple formation and love’s foundations
Role: Minister (govt.)

I think that love can be found in this world by using a little bit of common or uncommon sense. I do not believe in either love at first sight or so-called arranged or rational love that is based on money, wealth and family approval, and well documented in those novels that came out from and during the Enlightenment to the Industrial Revolution.

Love can be found Critically; by having Criteria that are not too light nor too loose — that is, human, flexible, fair criteria. I am going to present you with a set of criteria right here, and they could be regarded as an example rather than an exclusive path to the right solution.

The first criterion is food. Those who date should cook for each other. If they appreciate each other’s cooking enough, they may find enough appreciation for each other as well. Regímes have to be compatible if not overlapping. A vegetarian may not be able to consort with a carnivore. The relationship to alcohol may not be that important, unless one person has a clear problem with it.

A second watershed is friends and other people: individual or circles of friends have to be compatible if not overlapping. If one cannot tolerate or appreciate the other’s choices for acquaintances and friends, other things will come under scrutiny as well. The opposite problem would be a situation where one has friends and the other has none at all, which causes an inevitable tension, of course. A break-up is inevitable in the long run, which is time enough to ruin the lives of eventual kids born to the couple in the meantime. The relationship to relatives may not be that important, unless they are insufferable, overbearing and über-demanding on either’s side.

The third premise is finances. There has to be a fixed income for both parties. It does not matter where that money comes from (capital gains, inheritance, gambling, salaries, royalties, etc.) as long as it does appear and exist. Neither are the sums important. 40K a year is just as good as 65K. It’s enough to put food on the table and shelter over the heads and ensure the possibility for travel, something that works as a valve in the relationship. A bit of escapism/romance is always needed extraneously.

The fourth, and possibly most important thing, is intellectual. Since men and women are intellectually incompatible due historical, evolutionary and biological reasons, something has to be invented in its stead, in lieu of true similarity. The answer may lie in objects and abstractions. If a man and a woman, that is, a couple, amass or collect the same concrete or abstract thing, they have a unifying bond. This can take the form of traditional coins and stamps, recipes or books but also move to the more unorthodox world of gadgets, concepts or ways to self-improve — or any other thing that can be accumulated and collected (apart from money). An evolutionary approach lies in the importance of the idea of collecting in itself: hunter-gatherers were the hegemonical human tribe in the very beginning, before being superseded by farmers and agriculturists. This matters, as the primal, core attraction between men and women goes back a long time, possibly right back to those caveman times. In any event, because men and women go their separate ways, what they find during their days creates added value if they combine their findings at the end of the day. To paraphrase, what drives a wedge between men and women can also bring them together per this view.

So, if a couple cannot tick off boxes like these in their relationship, it’s no wonder that half of marriages end up in tears and sorrow. People, wo/man up and take the spade in your own hands.

Thank you.

Puheen kesto: 4 min 46 sek
Arvio: * * * *. Puhe kohenee loppua kohti yhdenlaiseksi persoonalliseksi kannanotoksi, joka toivottavasti toimii vastapainona avaajan objektiivisemmalle ja generalistisemmalle ulosannille. Tämän jälkeen toinen puolisko saa periaatteessa sanoa aiheesta mitä haluaa, yleistä tai erityistä.




Täytä tietosi alle tai klikkaa kuvaketta kirjautuaksesi sisään:

Olet kommentoimassa -tilin nimissä. Log Out /  Muuta )

Google+ photo

Olet kommentoimassa Google+ -tilin nimissä. Log Out /  Muuta )


Olet kommentoimassa Twitter -tilin nimissä. Log Out /  Muuta )


Olet kommentoimassa Facebook -tilin nimissä. Log Out /  Muuta )


Muodostetaan yhteyttä palveluun %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.