Noli me tangere


Viikko 50


Motion: THW restrict human contact to prevent infectious disease
Role: Secretary (opp.)
Date: April 3rd, 2013

The govt’s motion is evil. We humans crave and need interaction with each other. We can’t live in that kind of deprivation that the govt. is suggesting. There is enough isolationism in the world todays as it is. Hotels house lonely businessmen, who crave for an infectious sickness by renting out a prostitute. People want to go to football matches and communal swimming pool centres despite the obvious risk of contracting foot fungi. Dogs greet each other by smelling each other’s excretions and the holes where they came from — and they’re all the healthier because of these unsavoury activities, or not at least ill in any way that a vet couldn’t cure.

The govt’s motion is useless and backward-looking. We have mostly conquered infectious disease. Few of us contract any kind of sickness anymore via hands, water, kisses, keyboards, handles or food, except for the common cold and travelling flu viri. And as time goes by, immunity becomes better in human adults. Old people seldom fall ill in their days of retirement and on pension. Moreover, immunity can be shored up by injections and nutrient boosts, fruit vitamins and condensed pills of various kinds, not to speak of exercise.

Shying away from human interaction would result in dysfunction. The unemployed would stay unemployed, if they refused to go to job interviews and shake hands with their potential recruiters. The economy would lose in value, if people did not go to shops to buy stuff anymore in fear of touching demonstration machines. The internet cannot be the sole source of revenue in a thriving and throbbing economy.

Allergies etc. are a by-product of over-sanitization. A healthy population could handle and host even parasites of the graver variety and still stay relatively viable. Namely, even if parasites of the bug-like or vermiform kind are disgusting and unwanted, they have the potential to reduce the risk of cancer in a population by having the potential to eat away at human tissues and therefore destroy potentially malign tumours composed of cancer cells. That’s a kind of life insurance, these days.

A better solution that would take into account our point of view as well as the govt’s slightly ridiculous and neurotic standpoint would be to use mouth protection the way Asian people have used it during their SARS and MERS epidemics. This wouldn’t prevent human contact or restrict it altogether, but protect one from inhaling germs through the mouth. Respirators would be an option, not an obligation, of course. That way all interest groups could be taken into account and catered for.

Please vote against the motion on the agenda. We don’t need more protection against threats of yesteryear whereas we need more protection against threats of today. Polio isn’t here anymore. We need instead cures for disease born out of a diabetic lifestyle and overindulgence, one of which may be simply exercise and eating less.

And finally, prick up your ears to my motto for today’s speech, which is: The population is not a problem but — a solution.

Puheen kesto: 4 min 24 sek
Arvio: * * * *. Paljon kiistanalaista (ja osin epätoivoista) vastaan haraamista roolin mukaisesti, mutta onnistuvaakin ja hengeltään tervettä. Aloitus on ärhäkkä ja vastustajan suoraa torppausta yrittävä: se sanoo ensin vastustuksensa ja antaa sitten argumentteja, mikä on tehokas taktiikka.




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