Week 15
Love in old and young age asks for a kindred lover.
Motion: THC getting a life partner just a matter of going out
Role: Leader (opp.)
I was recently at a train pullover spot. I had failed to get out in time for my actual station, so I stayed until the next stop, right in the middle of nowhere, where the conductor let me out and advised me to take the next oncoming, opposite-direction train home – for free, without a punitive charge. At the stop, I eyed a young couple who were about to board that same train. They were between 17 and 27, and they looked much alike. Neither was better looking than the other. Like with a lot of couples, the girl (or woman) made some anxious questions or remarks, and the boy (or man) reassured her with his responses. They were very similar to each other, despite the gender difference.
Anyone Can Get a Partner
One of the delusions that people today have is that they have to pass the bar in terms of some imaginary relationship pole-vaulting competition. They would have to be alike Mr. Armand Duplantis or Ms. Wilma Murto in terms of the challenge. Then they were fit for courtship, engagement and marriage, potentially children. That is so untrue. Just as there are apex specimens of a human being, there are also average people, “losers” and mediocrities. The thing is that an apex specimen is not interested in a plain Jane, and a plain Shane should not set his sights on a unparallelled female. They could go over the fence at its lowest for them.
The first thing to evaluate is this: Evaluate how good-looking you are for real. The face is the most important part of your body in that respect, but the body in itself is not immaterial. Ugly faces are less ugly, if the body shape is great; cute faces are uglier if they come with too much bodily fat and flesh or some other thing that makes the whole less savoury. Do not overestimate or underestimate yourself. Your next goal is that you try to match your body and face with someone who is approximately as average-, bad- or good-looking. Moreover, it needs to be born in mind that women are allowed to be a little better-looking, with longer and stronger hair than men, and they would still be considered equals.
Couples Are a Matter of Pair Formation
It is important that somehow the pair look alike. They should have a kindred body, face, posture and potentially other features, on a granular level. On a graphic level, they can be different, because they also need to complement each other. For instance, if the woman in question is short, it is helpful if the man is taller as he can reach for things that the woman cannot, and this is a matter of pragmatics, not of metaphorics.
Similarity in appearance is important, because it ensures that the constituent parts of the pair a) seem to deserve each other and that b) other people are not going to intervene in their relationship while they are together. When there is greater disparity in terms of looks, the pair would develop self-doubts about their relationship – and also attract “praying mantes” (🕷) who tried to prise the better-looking party apart from the relationship. People leave alone self-secure pairs that look alike while they are together.
Socratic Self-Matching and Self-Reflection Is the Key to Pair Formation
So, it seems that one can get a pair for oneself, if one can discern in a crowd who is the most alike oneself in terms of quality of looks and similarity in other ways. The similarity does not have to be more than skin-deep. Deeper differences may work out for the couple. The woman may be verbally oriented, while the man is visually oriented. The woman may be extroverted, while the man is introverted. And so on, etc. What underlies this is that a person needs to first know herself or himself in order to be able to find someone else. One needs to run a thorough SWOT check on oneself and list one’s parameters. This applies first and foremost to appearance and physicality and secondarily to one’s other characteristics and qualities. One needs to be Socratic in the classic sense of the adjective and live according to “Nosce te ipsum” in order to succeed in pair formation.
So, I would say that one cannot get a partner in just going out and grabbing hold of one of the first ten people that one encounters. It is not as easy as that. Most of the avenues have to be tried. Many contacts have to be used. A lot of networks have to be exhausted. Then, if all goes according to plan, one has a life partner who is not going to disappear in the first storm that brews.
Perustelu(t)/puolustelu(t): Koska parinetsintä on nyt korkealla agendalla, esitän omasta puolestani oman näkemykseni siitä, miten se onnistuu. Puheessa on lievää huojuntaa, eikä se välttämättä ole täysin vakuuttava. Tämä johtuu siitä, etten itsekään ole varma siitä, riittävätkö vastaavat ulkonäöt parinvalinnan perusteeksi vai pitäisikö vastaavien varakkuuksien kohdata. Siitä voidaan kuitenkin hyvin kiistellä itse väittelyn aikana.
Polar Ice Standpoints Society 